Long bumpy road

Geez is it November already?! Exactly one year ago we were sitting and talking with my brother about his sermon at church for Orphan Sunday and never in my wildest dreams did I think we'd be called to this journey and patiently waiting for our children to come home in the same month a year later.  If it weren't for that day Bobby and I would have probably never thought adoption was possible and I am eternally grateful that we had that divine appointment.

In October we went to a match event in San Antonio where we met and interacted with some very adorable children.  Two of them were our top priority and we felt like we "found the ones!" However, so many times on this journey feelings can get overwhelming and what you thought was perfection ends up distorted and you start to feel like you don't know anymore.  Let me explain.  Exactly two weeks and two days after we met these two angels in San Antonio, their caseworker responded with news that they were displaying some "behaviors" and "a judge ordered that they not be placed until they are stabilized" which was left without an expected assessment date nor a promise of any amount of time at which they would be available again, and that raised more questions than anything!  By this point we were already discouraged because she'd not so much as responded to any of my caseworkers attempts to contact her about the boys so when we got this bit of info., we knew we had to get some answers quickly.  As emotionally invested as we already were, Bobby and I knew that it would be really hard to move forward not knowing if she was being truthful, because lets face it our broken system doesn't typically work that quickly and one just doesn't get before a judge within two weeks. Not only that, if she was being truthful, what behaviors?!  I mean one would think, and I'm speaking from experience because we've had this happen before, that she would AT LEAST send us a small summary on the boys so we could determine if we wanted to wait until they were "available" again or if we should move on because that is a valid option even if they aren't readily available for adoption.  BUT NO they were "no longer available for adoption" and that was it. So of course me being the person that I am, the person that God created me to be, THE HARD ASS, booked a flight to San Antonio that leaves on Tuesday so I could be present at an event that I know their caseworker will be attending for National Adoption Month to finally get some answers.  ; )

So, I booked my non-refundable flight last Friday and by Tuesday I had a message from my caseworker saying that we had been chosen to be in a selection staffing for two other boys by a different San Antonio caseworker at 4:30pm that afternoon and we were officially selected as the chosen family for those boys by Thursday.  So what that means is that the ball is in our court so to speak and if we want to adopt them, all we have to do is obtain the file (could take 2wks to 5 mo. to get -_-), look through their file and say "yes."  Needless to say I was shocked yet honored that she considered/selected us but it also left me confused asking God why he led me to book that flight if this was coming to fruition as well. Now when I say that God led me to do this, I'm really not joking.  Bobby and I prayed and prayed for two weeks straight after the San Antonio match event for the first two boys for their safety and for an answer from their caseworker and I asked God numerous times if I should go to the event and every time He said yes and that He would provide the money for me to do so AND HE DID.  I am still 100% unsure as to why I'm going but I know that God has the answer to that and will reveal it to me at some point.  The obvious good things that could come out of this trip are that I get to speak with the original two boys caseworker and see what those "behaviors" are and if she's even being truthful about the situation, and I will get another opportunity to speak with the other caseworker more in depth about the two boys we've been selected for.  I'm excited to go on this trip but on the other hand I'm nervous because this will be the 1st time that Bobby and I have been apart for a night since we've been married and it is also the 1st time I will be by myself in another city but I'm sure I'll be okay. 

I have to tell you though, for my believing friends out there, since we returned from the San Antonio match event, it seems like all hell has broken loose around us and that could only mean one thing-we're getting close! : )  For those of you who aren't familiar with what I'm talking about, the Bible clearly states in John 10:10 (and numerous other verses) that the thief (the devil) comes to "steal, kill, and destroy." You see, we were created in God's image so he hates every human being and wants to destroy everything he can get a hold of, especially those who love God. So because Bobby and I have been called according to Gods purpose to serve the orphan, the closer we get to carrying that out the more the enemy will try to stop us.  But despite all that, we're staying encouraged because God has promised us children and has equipped us with the knowledge of how to stay grounded and protected. Like Paul in Philippians 4, we have to learn to be "content in every situation and be anxious for nothing!"  No matter how hard we're being hit financially, or if our dog was poisoned and had to be put to sleep (which he was), if we are met with health problems in our families, if we are persecuted on our jobs, NO MATTER HOW BLEAK it gets, we have to trust God and be content! We KNOW we're doing the right thing not only because serving the orphan is a biblical commandment but if we weren't doing what God wants, the enemy wouldn't be trying so damn hard to destroy our journey.  You see, if he can't stop you in your tracks, he'll make sure to put as many potholes in the road as possible to steal your joy and make you want to quit. But quitting is NOT an option.

In the meantime please pray for where we're at right now and say a prayer that I'll have a good trip in San Antonio.  

Remembering His Promise

 "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it." ~Isaiah 30:21

"Remember your word to your servant, for you have given me hope." ~Psalm 119:49

Well we got the 1st call about a placement last week but before you question our enthusiasm or the lack there of, you first must understand that adoption is a journey with a very detailed map.  There are lots of paths you can travel to get to your destination, but like with any road map you have to choose your route carefully to avoid ending up at a dead end, or worse, somewhere you never intended to go.  Now with that being said, we were approached by our caseworker about a certain child who was apart of a failed adoption, meaning the current parents had already finalized and were now saying that they couldn't do it anymore and wanted to give up their rights.  Of course, just hearing this story broke our hearts for this child but at the same time, we knew we had to use our heads and also let God lead us to the right decision. I won't lie, our first inclination was to say "no" right away and that caused me some guilt, but the fact is, is this is a child, a human being, not something you can just pass off without a second thought.  As a matter of fact, in this life path, considering every detail and all possibilities is the best course of action.  In the hours after the call were pretty emotional. Bobby and I argued over the fact that this child was not what we had in mind and he was headstrong on his point of view but I myself felt slightly different about it all though not to the point to where I was swayed by my feelings at all. By the end of our heated discussion that lasted over a few phone calls throughout the day we both agreed that we should call our caseworker and get some more insight.  Later on, Bobby and I had a conference call with our worker and shared our concerns about the child and she said they were going to get as much info from the parents/doctors as they could and would report back to us with more clear information as to what the situation was. While we were waiting to hear back from our caseworker I took it upon myself to confide in my mom and another adoption sister through one of our support groups and I just kept on getting the same answer which cemented the feelings that this most likely wasn't our child. As you know, I am a Christian and as I've shared in previous blogs, exactly one year ago in a life changing moment I had with the Lord, He spoke clearly to me and told me that Bobby and I would have two children within a 1-1.5 yrs. Of course I laughed it off at the time and forgot about it but clearly the path was set and we were on our journey to adoption within a couple of months after that even before I had remembered what He said to me. So back to what I was saying, as I'm conversing with my family/adoption family about the details they are reminding me of what God said and here I am having to tell myself once again that God's word has never failed in my life and if He said it was going to be two children, this single child will not be ours.  Regardless of what we knew in our hearts, Bobby and I still just didn't feel comfortable with saying "no" so quickly and so we waited. Needless to say, I decided that 4 days was long enough and I sent my caseworker an email requesting an update on the child.  Within minutes she got back with me letting us know that the child was indeed not be a good fit for our family and would need to be put with someone who could offer some specialized care. Of course that answer was a huge sigh of relief and it made both of us feel better about that fact that we didn't have to say "no" though in the future we're going to be okay with that.  To be truthful, Bobby and I feel a little desperate at times and find it really hard not to want things to happen for us right now.  On one hand, waiting is a really tough thing to endure especially when we feel so ready to have our family completed and it's completely out of our control but on the other hand, in this situation especially, had we made a quick decision based on that tiny morsel of desperation, we would have ended up in a place much different than the one God intended us to be as a family. So the lesson learned on this part of our journey is to consider all of them, but listen to the voice of the Lord, remember His promises to us, and choose our route carefully.

Rants, raves, and other thoughts...

Here I am laying in bed sleepy yet unable to succumb to any type of peacefulness due to all these thoughts flying around my head. So because Bobby is already snoring like a grizzly bear riding a motor cycle, blogging is my only option.

**Warning** 

I'm in some kind of mood right now so if any of this is offensive, you'll eventually get over it. 

Either way, here goes nothin';

1. Waiting sucks but we're getting better at this patience thing.  After a while you sort of get use to the fact that you're not in control and you can't possibly make God, let along anyone else,  move any faster. Everything happens in the perfect timing though so knowing that has been our saving grace.
2. We realize now that a lot of people are completely uneducated about adoption so you folks can save your dumb and unnecessary comments about, "that one distant cousin of yours who adopted a teenager that stabbed her in her sleep" because they are no longer frightening nor do they effect us one bit.  
3. Keep comments like, "are you sure you want to do that" or "I'm sure if you keep trying you'll eventually get pregnant with your own" to yourself because those are STILL offensive. Fyi, our adopted children will be OURS and with that being said, not that our sex life is any of your business, but we didn't choose to adopt because we can't have a baby.
4. I'll be honest, it was completely eye opening for me to realize that not everyone, especially those that I expected to, has a heart for orphans but because of this realization, the words "many are called but few are chosen" now have come alive to me and I'm more than thankful that we have been chosen.
5. For those of you who know a someone who has a kid they aren't able to take care of who also needs a new mommy and daddy, it just simply doesn't work that way. 
6. Keep in mind they are a child 1st and an orphan 2nd so it's none of anyone's business but ours what kind of abuse/neglect the children we come in contact with have suffered.
7. No we're not opposed to adopting children of any race or age up to 13yrs old and we don't care how weird it will look if we choose children who don't look anything like us.
8. Not getting attached is the hardest thing to avoid doing but it's something we have to learn to do temporarily keep from getting our hearts broken over and over again before we find "the ones." 
9. This journey is really hard and if you can't find it in your heart to offer us anything but positivity, love, and support as we carry on, you are more than welcome to carry on in the opposite direction.
10. And last but not least, for those two hundred people who keep asking if we're going to have our children by Christmas....for the last time....and for the love of God.....WE DO NOT KNOW.

There I said it!  I'm sure there will be more later on but for now all of this has been expelled from the brain and I should totally be able to sleep in peace.....right?! @_@

Learning to guard our hearts

Yesterday was the very 1st match event we attended and I must say it was a HUGE eyeopener. We got there about an hour early and got the see the children and other families trickle in one by one.  The event took place at a park in Brenham, TX for all of the children from Region 7, which means Austin and surrounding areas. At the park was a large merry go round complete with horses and sleighs for the kids to ride, and a large covered pavilion with picnic tables where most of the people stayed during the day.  The kids had to go around with a list of questions to ask each adult that kept them circulating and mingling among all of the prospective parents so that was really sweet.  During our day we got to ride the merry go round with the children and Bobby got to play some sports with some of the kiddos playing a game called gaga ball. We just really had a lot of fun the entire time and though we only had two and a half hours with them, it seemed to go by slowly which made it well worth it as I was initially afraid we wouldn't have enough time to explore.  In the end we submitted written inquiries about two sets of sibling groups that both Bobby and I were interested in for one reason or another.  I won't go into too much detail about them b/c honestly that information is very personal to us and we oticed that when we have done that in the past, people offer up too many opinions, most of which we do not care to hear. Anyway, one set of the kiddos I was for sure interested in b/c they were the exact age range/race we were initially interested in but Bobby was a little leery about some of the info we got on 'em.  The other set were a sibling group of children that were way far from what we've envisioned initially but we both felt like we made a connection with them on a personal level so we decided to pursue writing up an inquiry about them at the very end of the day right before we left .  On the way home we beamed about the 2nd set and started envisioning what our life would be like with them and how we'd rearrange our lives to accommodate them in our home etc.  Both of us were all smiles and completely "sold" if you will, on the idea of welcoming them into our family. After we got home and when Bobby had already went to bed, I stayed up a little while longer and decided to pray over the situation since these children were a big leap from where we started and honestly from what we thought God was calling us to do in the beginning.  I just basically told the Lord that I wanted to seek his heart in this and to cast our cares/thoughts etc by the wayside b/c in the end this is the journey God has set for us, not the other way around.  So to make a long story short, after I went to bed and God woke me up at about 4am this morning from a dream where he more or less said NO to the 2nd set of kiddos we'd inquired about and reminded me of the word he gave me about our children back in September of last year which was very specific and unmistakable.  But at this point we'd already invested our hearts into pursuing these beautiful children and had discussed how we could make things work so I felt a little hurt yet understood that God has our best interest at heart and knows what he's doing.  After that happened, I laid awake for over an hour concerned as to how I was going to tell my husband, who's just as excited as I was about them that it wasn't going to be. I had to figure out away to let him know that the decision had been made and we could not in good conscience proceed with them and also have God's blessing on our family at the same time.  Once Bobby woke I told him the news and reasonably so he was as disheartened as I was and I will be honest, I shed some tears periodically today as well.  Truthfully, since this morning, we've been in contact leaning on each other for guidance and support throug out the day b/c this is the most difficult thing we've had to endure so far emotionally.  Looking back I now realize that going into the match event, we never once considered guarding our hearts against whatever may come our way to tug on our heartstrings and that left us a wide open target for this to happen.  We just went in openly and let things work on our emotions when we should have been a little more reserved.  One thing we both have to keep in mind at this point is that God has created children specifically for us and though there are a ton of other children who are just as awesome, who would also fit in our family, God's work is perfect and flawless and nothing that Bobby or I could set our hands to would ever compare to what he is preparing for us.  So at this point, we will not pursue those specific children, but instead, we are choosing to guard ourselves, and chase after God's heart b/c when we find it, there our children will be.  In the end I look at it this way, if he can tell us no in the most obvious and unmistakable way, he can also tell us YES when the time comes.

Please continue to pray for our journey, there is nothing easy about any of this and we need all of the spiritual and emotional support we can get. 

Great Success!

Well the sale went on without a hitch and despite being hot and tired at the end of the say, we had a great time!  We started setting up at 5:45am and by 7am we were up and running with a cup of coffee in hand.  Throughout the sale, we had a ton of friends come to shop and show their support and strangers who heard about our cause through FB and wanted to be a part of our day as well. Crazily enough, one lady even asked me for a flier and as our friend was telling her about what we were doing she asked me to sign it for her!! Haha! I was completely dumbfounded and all I could say was , "um....okay?" Lol!  She just said she thought it was awesome and was blessed to meet people like us so I went on ahead and signed it.  All day long we had people coming in droves to shop and the things we thought we'd never get rid of went first but the items we thought for sure would fly out the door just sat there.  Regardless of what sold, it was really a great experience to see just how many people like to give from their hearts. One thing I'm most grateful for in all this is our friends and family who showed up to help us.  Our best friend Catherine Lopez was there with us before daylight to help set up and get situated, not to mention used her Spanish skills to help out big time til the end of the sale!  She has been so supportive through out this entire journey volunteering wherever we needed help and for that we are eternally grateful.  We are also extremely appreciative of Bobby's cousin Debbie Cranfill who came from out of nowhere with her sweet kiddo's and rocked our socks off!!!  She brought lots of items to contribute to the sale and literally kept it well organized from beginning to end.  There wasn't an item out of place when she was around and if she wasn't shopping for herself, her kiddo's were shopping.  There were several times when we would have to tell her to take a break b/c she just wouldn't stop. THEN at the end of the day her husband came, bought more things, and loaded up every single leftover item and carted it over to Goodwill for us!!  We have had many more friends who donated to the sale or contributed their time to help sort/price items too.  Among those are Angela Layfield, Carolyn Bradford, Ashlee Linnea, Tonya Brazil, Dana Young, Kelly Csizmazia, and my mom.  Hopefully I am not missing anyone!  All in all we were completely blown away at the help we received! Pretty much all of the baked goods sold except for a few leftover that we brought home so that was awesome too.  I was scared b/c of this heatwave, I thought for sure the goodies would be melted and worthless by the time the sun was out but that just simply did not happen.  Because of where we sat up at in the lot, we were shaded by a neighboring building and a few large trees that kept the sun off of us the entire time!  Not to mention the weird breeze that kept sweeping through the canopy keeping us cool all day until the last hour or so of the sale.  It was really bizarre but I like to think of it as a blessing we received from God b/c I had prayed about the heat a few times this week prior to the sale. God didn't lower the temperature for us today but he made He sent that breeze to make it bearable enough to keep going! In the end, we had a wonderful sale and what started as three full truck loads of donated stuff was dwindled down to one truck load that we gladly donated ourselves to the next charity. Thanks to everyone's voice on FB, the people who saw our signs, memorabilia purchasers prior to the sale, and those that found out about it through CL, we were able to raise over $700 to help us with our cause.  I can't thank you all enough and I certainly can't thank God enough for blessing us with such amazing friends and resources.  God's blessings to everyone involved in helping us do what we hold so dear to our heart. 

Hannah

Approved and Waiting.....

This approved and waiting thing is making me crazy.  The only way I can describe it is it feels like everything is on hold.  I mean after all we've gone through the past 9 months, now we're to the point to where we're suppose to just hang out and relax.  IMPOSSIBLE!! I've found it extremely hard to get back into the groove of our normal life, prior adoption that is. I haven't grocery shopped or cooked at home much because when we had all these things we had to do to get our home ready for the adoption, often times we'd eat out somewhere and come home to get busy again.  My cleaning schedule is off, we have laundry running out of our ears and everything is just in disarray.  Prior to waiting, our weekends were full of things to do to and appointments to get to all for the sake of making a home for them and now we're just....HERE!  Of course we have the fundraisers to keep us busy for the moment but when those come to a close and we're still not matched, what then?  To be honest, this whole entire process has completely changed the dynamic in our home and Bobby and I are just existing to get to the next moment in our journey which is completing our family. We are both so excited for this new chapter of our life to begin but at the same time we have absolutely no control on when the page is going to turn; only God knows that.  If there's anything that we've gained from going through our walk this far, it has been an abundance of faith, a new found love for each other, and love for two little children that we don't even know yet.  Just today I was driving down the road listening to some music that is close to my heart, singing at the top of my lungs when all of the sudden it was like I could see our little girl in the rear view mirror singing at the top of her lungs with me!!  Man tears just started streaming down my face and I realized there wasn't anymore sound coming out of my mouth.  I know that sounds bizarre but these moments are happening again and again and again and with that happening, it's just not possible to turn around and pretend life is as it was before.  Nothing is as it was, it's all changed and I'm not sure what to do with that.  Regardless that we haven't found them yet, Bobby and I now carry a parents heart and like it or not, life will never be the same.  Maybe it's time for us to adopt a new "normal" because the old normal just simply doesn't work anymore. 

Please keep us in your prayers.

Huge sports memorabilia donation

Many many thank you's to our dear friend Rick Meza for donating over $775 worth of sports memorabilia to our cause.  If you live in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area and are interested in obtaining any of these items, you may do so by donating their set donation amount in cash to us personally, or with your credit card via our Fundly.com account here:

http://fundly.com/help-us-bring-home-our-hopefuls

Please indicate the item you are interested in by notating it the "personal note" section during your Fundly purchase process. 

We will update this list periodically as the items sell so make sure you check the list to see if your item is available. Whatever does not sell before August will be put in our garage sale; Date, Time, Location TBD.

**All of these items were personally obtained by Rick Meza or my husband Bobby himself. Not all of them have their COA's but the ones that do are indicated in the listing. All of these pieces are 100% authentic. My husband and his friend Rick are avid collectors and have met these players through numerous sporting events and signings.

**For those of you who have already donated and see an item on this list, please let us know and we will get it to you.

**Pick up or Drop Off locally only, we will not ship any of these items. 

**We cannot give any refunds through our side of the Fundly website so please make sure the item is available BEFORE you send your money. 

Memorabilia List

Official Seal Of Approval

Well we got our official approval letter complete with a certificate from Gladney today. Exciting times! We are so blessed to be apart of such a great organization dedicated to helping the orphan crisis worldwide. :)

Help Us Bring Home Our Hopefuls

Harder than it looks...

Well today we sent in an inquiry about a sibling group of two, a boy and a girl, that caught our attention on the TARE website.  I know I know, exciting times!  Of course that's not to say that these are definitely our children because there is really so much that goes into finding the perfect match but it's definitely a step forward.  The only thing that sort of concerns me is that ever since I sent the pic of the kids to Bobby he's been smiling about it and showing it off to everyone and I feel like it's going to be hard for him not to fall in love with every pic/match we receive.  I mean really we have a lot more matching to do to be getting all pumped about the 1st inquiry.  I'll be honest, I'm not really concerned for myself much because I have always had the ability to be very objective about things and I am very good about considering all aspects before jumping in, but Bobby sort of wears his heart on his sleeve and falls quickly.  Don't get me wrong, the fact that he is naturally sensitive is one of my favorite attributes about him and I wouldn't change that for the world but I would really like for us to get through this matching process as painless as possible. Not sure how that's going to work out at this point though.  I mean it's one thing to say you're not going to get attached right away, but it's another thing to see them and experience the possibilities without getting attached; that is so hard!  I guess what it really boils down to is that humans were created with the amazing ability to fall in love and bond to one another all the while that same amazing ability can be the cause of a lot of heartache and pain.  All we can do at this point is to hope and pray that we hear God's unmistakable voice leading us to the children he created for us so that we will not be scathed and sidetracked by all the wrong ones.

Please say a prayer for us!!

Photobook Complete!

Here is our COMPLETE Adoption Photobook. Geez it only took me a hundred years to finish. Our Caseworker had us print 3 copies as well so the order is in at Kinkos as we speak. I should be able to pick them up tomorrow if all goes well. After I turn those in, we can officially inquire about the matches sent our way. YAY! Send lots o' prayers!
Biffel Adoption Video from Hannah Biffel on Vimeo.
Hannah

Home Study Approved!

FYI, we received our Home Study Approval today!! So we are officially headed to completing our family.  Here is our Home Study cover sheet for those readers who might have available kiddo's in mind. 

^{18 "}I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you."

John 14:18

The Biffel Family

Ft. Worth, TX

 
Seeking to Adopt
Bobby and Hannah are seeking to adopt children as a sibling group of two or individually, between the ages of 0-10 years. They are open to boys or girls of any bi-racial background. They are excited about providing a forever home and family to the kids that God has chosen for them!

Mom and Dad
Bobby and Hannah have been married for 5 1/2 years. Bobby is a driver for DHL. He loves all sports, is an avid memorabilia collector and enjoys video games as well. Hannah is a LMT/Program Coordinator for Health Care Therapies, a company devoted to providing in home therapies to people with disabilities’. She loves to sing and do creative things. Bobby and Hannah are active in their church and love to fellowship with their church group. They have a large close nit family that live close by with whom they spend time frequently. It doesn’t matter what they are doing, they just like to be together!

Their Home
The Biffel family desires that their home be a place of great joy and unconditional love. They seek to protect, provide structure for, and encourage each child. They are excited about adoption and can’t wait for their family to be made complete.

Fun Times
The Biffel family is full of laughter! They love cracking jokes and watching funny movies regularly. Playing board games or video games is a favorite past time that keeps things lively in the house. They enjoy watching and playing sports, taking road trips, and participating in church activities at Hope Outreach Church in Fort Worth, TX.

Please contact:
Emily Behrens 817-922-6064
Emily.Behrens@gladney.org

Tanya Houk 817-922-6078
Tanya.Houk@gladney.org

Countdown disasters

So we're less than a week away from getting our approval to begin the matching process and all hell has broken loose on us since we finished our home study in addition to going downhill the closer it gets.  I know things could always be worse so I really should be counting my blessings but considering what has happened that is the only way I can describe how I feel right now.  Just to give you an idea without going into too much unwarranted detail, we've been hit financially several times, I've been sick twice, my hours at work have been cut back significantly temporarily, Bobby got a kidney stone, I've been having nightmares about the adoption/losing sleep, and tonight our water heater went out flooding our hallway and new carpet. At this point I am no longer surprised when additional things are thrown our way.  Bobby and I always say that nothing ever comes easy for us, because it really doesn't and there's a proven history of that.  Since day one we've had to work really hard to get where we are in all aspects of our lives together when it seems like others have it so easy so there isn't any reason why this situation should be any different.  Granted, adoption, let alone becoming a parent in general, is never easy and I never expected it to be. However, I did at least expect a nice little two month rest and maybe even a vacation in between the time we finished our home study and the matching phase but who am I kidding?!  Anyway, I don't want to be a negative Nancy, that's just where I'm at right now. 

One thing that's been a great help during this time is our Chosen Ones Support Group and attending the Mom's/Dad's night out.  Meeting with like-minded others has given me the chance to share what's been going on in the meantime and that alone has made our recent hardships a little easier to endure. I've never met such compassionate people in my life and I feel blessed to be in their company. I mean really, each one of those ladies are the closest you can get to Super Woman in real life.  For every nightmare I could imagine happening to us, they can match it with a true story of redemption and grace through adoption.  Some of them have adopted their foster children and some of them have even ministered to the abusive parent and have helped them to change so they can provide a better home for the children they lost.  It's just amazing the things they've shared with me and I always walk away feeling refreshed and encouraged about our journey.

The one thing I've learned through all this adversity so far is that no matter what comes our way, Bobby and I are choosing to press forward and we refuse to let the enemy stop us from doing what we feel God has called us to do.  I can say one thing for sure, this adoption journey has strengthened our marriage immensely and I honestly feel like I look at him with different eyes than I did before we started.  I cannot imagine having children with anyone else in this world and I would not pick anyone else to face adversity with.  He's my rock and my everything and it's going to be amazing to see him with our children.  Though I am presently having a tough time staying positive through all the mess we've been going through, I refuse to harbor doubt about our choice.  We are exactly where we should be and that's all that matters.  Going forward, please keep us in your prayers as we move on to completing our family.  :)

Hannah

Better late than never

I realize I am way overdue on posting the details of the home study but something is better than nothing so here we go. : )

On the morning of our home study Bobby and I both woke up early and got our butts in gear.  We were able to eat some of our breakfast but both of us struggled to eat because our stomach's were in knots! The funny thing is after we left, the closer we got to the agency the worse it got and by the time we pulled into the parking lot, our hearts were pounding.  When we got to the door, I looked at him and said, "I really think we should say a prayer together before we go in" and he agreed so we took each others hands and said a quick prayer right there on the front porch.  Once we did that it seemed like the nervousness backed off a little bit and we were no longer as flustered.  What's crazy is the moment we stepped inside it's like we both came to the realization of just how magical this place was and immediately felt blessed and humbled that Gladney was going to be a part of our lives forever.  Gladney is a place with 125 years of history in Texas and it has seen so many stories of pain, heartache, joy, and laughter that those feelings and emotions are knitted into it's very atmosphere.  This is a place where women of older era's could/would go to live and have their babies in support and privacy; safe from the outside world that would ridicule them and refuse to accept their baby out of wedlock. Those valiant women would carry their child to term only to bless it with a new family and give another woman the opportunity to be a mother. To us, Gladney is a place that is giving our child a new beginning and who is also walking with and supporting us every step of the way.

As our case worker came down the long stair case, she smiled and said, "Are you nervous yet?"  and of course Bobby and I both laughed anxiously and said, "YES" in unison.  She smiled a little bit and quickly quenched our nervousness with her laughter.  It was nice to know that she understood! She led us to the counseling center where they meet with children/parents and brought us to a room with a big comfy couch and a few chairs etc. that was neatly decorated.  After we set down she explained what was to happen during the interview and we began. Our joint interview was first and lasted all of 4 hours. We talked about and elaborated on our marriage, our families, the child(ren) we desired to adopt and she answered so many of our questions.  We laughed, we cried, we laughed some more, and we had her laughing as well.  There were also moments of quietness met with a few tears when she would bring up tough subjects about abuse and neglect and what our kiddo might have gone through.  All in all, she was extremely easy to talk to and we found ourselves being completely honest with each question we answered.  She didn't seem to have one single judgmental bone in her body and no matter how crazy/weird some of our answers were, it didn't seem to effect her one way or the other.  As the the morning turned into the afternoon we were both already so tired but were only three fourths of the way through.  Once our joint interview was finished it was time for the one on one's and Bobby volunteered to go first. When I left the room I had to get something to snack on since the breakfast I had was meager to say the least.  I had time to eat in the car and go inside to snap a few pics before he came out and said it was my turn.  When she called me into the room, I was no longer nervous and was ready to get the show on the road; after all, I couldn't imagine what else she wanted to talk about as we had already said so much.  Ha!  During my personal interview we discussed my health and my strengths/weaknesses as well as asking me about my opinion of Bobby's.  We talked about the abuse I faced as a child and how I was able to resolve that and that's when the tears flowed again.  I felt blessed to be able to tell her about how I came to a place where I could accept it and forgive my abuser and move on.  For the most part it was pretty intense but before I knew it, we were finished and were on our way out the door.

Once we left we both agreed to get some lunch as we were nothing short of starving.  We thought we'd sit over lunch and discuss the goings on of the day but we were both surprisingly quiet and in deep thought. To be honest, I couldn't imagine myself uttering another word after talking for five and a half hours.  Upon arriving home, I was so exhausted all I could think about was climbing into bed!  Though that was probably the best three hour nap I have had in a long time, when I woke up I was still drained and that in its self seemed to last for about two days after our home study.  Bobby said he felt the exact same way and the only thing we could attribute our exhaustion to was the emotional roller coaster we had just gotten off of.  All in all we are so glad to have that behind us.

As for the walk-through of our home, we were again met with some nervousness but her visit lasted all of about thirty minutes and she was out the door.  All she did was ask a few questions and asked for a tour.  She complimented our home and didn't seem the least bit concerned at all about the environment we have prepared for our kid(s).  Bobby himself said her walk-through was way less of a big deal than he made it up to be but was also glad for that as well.  So from this point on, all we can do is wait. She's got everything she needs from us and now the ball is in her court to type up our family report and get it ready for the Approval Coordinator that reads and approves/disapproves the families for the matching stage. 

Bobby and I are welcoming the break we are getting for the next couple of months and feel like we should plan a weekend trip somewhere to get away and spend some time with each other. Any suggestion as to where would be nice.  Ha!  Just you know, since so many have asked, we still have no idea how long it's going to be until we have our kiddo home with us but at least we are on our way to finding him.  : ) Thanks for all of your love and support!  

Hannah

Home Study Eve

Philippians 4:6-7 NKJV

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

So here we are on the eve of what we have been preparing for since last October/November. It seems so surreal!! There are so many emotions running through our home I can't begin to imagine what it's going to be like when we actually find and meet him. Curiosity, excitement, nervousness, anxiety, etc.! God only knows if I am not sleeping tonight I sure won't be sleeping when that happens. I just have to keep reminding myself that this has all been divinely orchestrated and he wouldn't have brought us this far for it to end here. We have worked so hard and have put more of ourselves into this than we have anything else so I am confident everything will be okay. Now if we can make it through the hard conversations and tell our story the way God has had it unfold up until now we will be on our way! ::shew:: I feel like I am rambling so I guess I better cut this one short and at least try to catch some Z's. 

Please say a prayer for us.

With love,

The Biffel's

Perseverance

Per·se·ver·ance  

/ˌpərsəˈvi(ə)rəns/

Noun

1. Steadfastness in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success.
2. Continuance in a state of grace leading finally to a state of glory. 

Pa·tience  

/ˈpāSHəns/

Noun

The capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.


Up until now I don't think Bobby and I have ever really grasped what perseverance really meant.  This whole time I thought God was working patience in us through this process but really when I read the definition of patience, it's plain to see that it doesn't match what we've gone through at all. Through this entire journey this far, we have been delayed, we've suffered, we've gotten angry, and we've gotten upset at certain aspects and also at each other.  There have been many times where we've both lacked grace and at adversity had a hard time seeing the glory in it all.  There have been days where we both questioned God if this is really what He wants for us but every time we asked He made it very clear to our hearts that this life was chosen for us to lead and that He has set this path for us to be on.  Over this entire six months of preparing for our son to come home, we've watched the pieces of the puzzle fall gracefully into place and things we thought would be impossible God made possible.  We've received help from unlikely sources and things have been taken care of in ways that only God could have orchestrated and it's simply been amazing to see just His provisions come through.  Though emotionally this has been the toughest thing we've done so far, for every tough feat we've faced, it has been met with God's grace for us coupled with reminders that He is in control.  Currently at this moment we are done with all of the home preparations and are waiting for a case worker to be assigned to us for our home study.  TGBTG! :) Ever since I sent the last email to our file builder at Gladney I have been over the moon excited just thinking that we are one more huge step closer to having the kiddo come home. There is literally nothing that puts all of this in perspective more than walking into that bedroom and seeing it painted, furnished, and waiting to be made complete by our little boy.  WOW WOW WOW! :)  At this point all we have to do is wait because the ball is now in Gladney's court. Maybe this is where the patience comes in. Ha!  Keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

Hannah

Blood, Sweat, and Tears.

As I'm looking back to November when we first started this journey, I never truly realized how much of an emotional roller coaster this was going to be.  Now that's not to be taken out of context because I don't regret it for one second. I wouldn't change anything about all of the LITERAL blood, sweat, and tears we've put in for this purpose, however, sometimes it gets incredibly difficult to sit and look at all of it as a whole.  Just to give you an inkling of what I'm talking about, after all of the things we've been through over the last 4 months, we are currently on the cusp of getting to Step 4 of Gladney's 12 Step process. Yep, you heard right right...I said we are at the CUSP of Step F O U R meaning we are just now wrapping up Step 3!   Only 9 more steps to go until we are deemed by the courts to be the parents of  Boy Child [Insert Name Here].  See what I mean?! That's a lot to take in!! Meanwhile as we're closing the chapter on Step 3, I can't help but get butterflies in my stomach when I consider the gravity of Step 4.  It's almost here and I just can't fathom it! Seriously all this week I have been waking up sometimes 2-3 hours too early thinking about all of the things we need to get done to move forward and it's literally killing me to have to be so patient these last few weeks until we make it there.
 
So what is Step 4?  It's our Home Study; where Bobby and I will meet with a Gladney caseworker and discuss personal matters about our lives etc. and that in its self takes place over 2 meetings in a 6-7 hour time frame.  What's the significance of Step 4?  After we've completed the Home Study, Gladney will then take 6-12 more weeks to look over our entire file, complete with financial, medical, personal, and emotional records of Bobby and I and that's when they will determine whether we are going to move on to Step 5.  Now Step 5 is the kicker too because it's where they will either Approve or Disapprove us based on everything they see.  So to put it into perspective, everything we've done so far, EVERYTHING, is still pending approval. @_@  Now can you see why I'm losing sleep?! We are literally shaking in our boots! I just can't imagine going through all of this, with all of the hard work and invested emotions, and think that there is a 50/50 chance it could all end soon. Not that we couldn't handle it if for some reason we didn't make it because I know, though it would be very tough and heartbreaking, God would get us through it.  But I can't afford to spend my time thinking about the "what if's" because I could totally be consumed by it.  I just have to keep my eyes on what God promised me last September when I audibly heard His voice telling me I was going to have children very soon and that was well before we heard anything at all about the adoption program being started at my brothers church which in turn lead us to consider adopting.  (Don't laugh, I'm dead serious.) Believe me when I say this, God is faithful and every time I've heard His voice in my life, which is countless in number, He has followed through.  For those out there who knows Bobby, you have to understand that it was a miracle in its self that his heart would be open to adoption in the first place because we've casually discussed it in the past and he was always 100% against it.  Yet after God told me that, this time around, his heart was completely open! So I don't doubt for one second that this is going to work out for us one way or another.

All in all, no matter what, we have to stay focused, stick together, and support each other because as we get further and further through this process, I can't imagine it getting any easier.  And just so you know, most likely, neither of us will get any real rest until our son is home. Keep us in your thoughts and prayers!

Hannah

The Month of Do

It's been about a month and a half since my last post but so much has gone on since then I felt like I needed to keep my mouth shut and focus on dealing with the goings on of the moment and moving to the next step in the process.  Most of all, I literally didn't have time to put too much thought to everything let alone blog about it.  Ha!  But hey, I'm getting back on track.

Well for starters, February turned out to be the "Month of Do," because that's when the fire under our tail end seemed to be the hottest and everything we did was motivated by bringing our kiddo home the soonest.  Bobby took an entire weeks vacation at the beginning of February so that he could get his physical and FBI fingerprinting done. That may not seem like a big deal, but Bobby had been dreading facing what the doctor might say for a long time and this was his time to face the music!  Just to give you a little insight, for a little while now Bob has had some weird symptoms and we always joked about him having diabetes or something (yes we sort of have a sick sense of humor...lol) but he never really had the courage to go to the doc and get tested. When we decided to go through with the adoption journey and we found out that both of us would have to get a physical/doc would have to sign off on a document proclaiming he was a healthy individual, he immediately got nervous.  Well when it came time to get his blood test results, lo and behold, the doc diagnosed him with Type 2 Diabetes and that's when it all began.  The good thing about what his doc said was that he hadn't had it for very long and that if he got his weight/eating habits under control, he most likely be able to get rid of it.  She also made it very clear that she would not fill out the adoption form until all his levels were within a normal range and from that point on, I got to witness just how determined he was and any question I had within me about his willingness to become a father was completely eliminated.

The first week after his diagnosis was really hard for him as he was emotional and on edge and it was really difficult to cope with this new lifestyle he was plunged into etc but he pressed forward anyway.  On top of that, his medicine has some horrible side effects that he had to acclimate to but he made it through just fine. I hated that he had to go through all that but all I could do was support him as best I could and be there when he needed to talk about his frustrations.  Since then, Bobby and I did a little bit of research and found out the things he can/shouldn't eat and he has stuck to it like a trooper.  What was amazing was by the time he went back for a follow up visit, which was less than two weeks later, he had already lost 15lbs and his blood sugar was actually UNDER the goal she had for him!  PRAISE GOD!  Haha!  Boy I never saw him so happy as that day when he came home to tell me those results and that she had filled out the paperwork and faxed it to Gladney!  His doc actually put on his form, "Lost 15lbs in two weeks, I've never seen someone so motivated to get healthier for this process and he will make a great father!" I am so thankful to have such a good husband/future father of my children.  Though one of us was given a healthy report and the other was diagnosed, when we look back on all of it, Bobby and I are thankful that everything is finally out in the open and it is being taken care of.  Both of us have said that if everything falls through with the adoption (God forbid of course), at least it helped him to get real with himself. All in all, February brought a lot of different emotions; sadness, disappointment, frustration, anxiety, but above that, it brought more joy, happiness and relief. What a blessing!

So as of right now, we have completed everything we needed except for the fire/environmental inspections and also sending pics of our house/property.  The only thing standing in the way of us doing those things is a few renovations we have to make on the house. Our nephew/roommate Austen is moving out on the 15th of this month and that's when we will start "nesting."  (Weird to put it that way but it's the truth!) We are putting new carpet in our home and renovating the bedroom to make it fit for our son.  After that, we will schedule our Home Study and will be considered WAITING PARENTS!!  Omg, so close I can feel it!!! It makes my stomach so nervous just thinking about it.  By this time next year we should have a little someone hanging on our legs and turning our lives upside down.  Hahaha!  I CAN'T WAIT!!  Please keep us in your prayers, we will need all the prayers we can get to make it through the next couple of months.

Love always;

Hannah

Adoption Photobook

Just so everyone knows, we have to create a photo book and more or less use it to "sell" ourselves to the CPS caseworkers AND our potential son when they match us. It really helps because sometimes there can be some competition among different families for the same child (which is totally awesome) and in that case, the child/caseworkers/advocates etc will choose a family based on their personal presentation.

In saying that, usually the first choice to accomplish this is to create a Snapfish photo book and send it off but that can take a long time to receive back in order to send off to other caseworkers, not to mention pretty costly since you'd probably need to have several to successfully do it that way. However some choose to do digital books which is basically what I wanted to do. So here is our personal Photo Book Video that I'm currently working on myself.  I think I'm close to being done with it but tell me what you guys think and if you find any grammatical errors etc.  Of course I will be printing out a hard copy for our son to look at before he meets us, so the video is only for the caseworkers to view.

 Check 'er out!!

Pretty interesting stuff...

Omg only 2 chapters left until we're done reading the 1st book and I'm starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel!! Due to the holidays not allowing us to read much, we finally resorted to downloading it to my phone so we could hook it up to a speaker and have it read aloud to us. With each chapter as long as they have been so far, there's no way we would have been able to finish it before our PAT classes on Thursday without doing that. Here's an interesting excerpt from Ch. 10. Enjoy!

Hannah

Adoption Stories; Don't forget your tissue...

So many stories, so many happy tears. We know exactly how these people feel. It's nice to know that there are others out there like Bob and I.

Texas Adoption Resource Exchange (TARE)