Yesterday was the very 1st match event we attended and I must say it was a HUGE eyeopener. We got there about an hour early and got the see the children and other families trickle in one by one. The event took place at a park in Brenham, TX for all of the children from Region 7, which means Austin and surrounding areas. At the park was a large merry go round complete with horses and sleighs for the kids to ride, and a large covered pavilion with picnic tables where most of the people stayed during the day. The kids had to go around with a list of questions to ask each adult that kept them circulating and mingling among all of the prospective parents so that was really sweet. During our day we got to ride the merry go round with the children and Bobby got to play some sports with some of the kiddos playing a game called gaga ball. We just really had a lot of fun the entire time and though we only had two and a half hours with them, it seemed to go by slowly which made it well worth it as I was initially afraid we wouldn't have enough time to explore. In the end we submitted written inquiries about two sets of sibling groups that both Bobby and I were interested in for one reason or another. I won't go into too much detail about them b/c honestly that information is very personal to us and we oticed that when we have done that in the past, people offer up too many opinions, most of which we do not care to hear. Anyway, one set of the kiddos I was for sure interested in b/c they were the exact age range/race we were initially interested in but Bobby was a little leery about some of the info we got on 'em. The other set were a sibling group of children that were way far from what we've envisioned initially but we both felt like we made a connection with them on a personal level so we decided to pursue writing up an inquiry about them at the very end of the day right before we left . On the way home we beamed about the 2nd set and started envisioning what our life would be like with them and how we'd rearrange our lives to accommodate them in our home etc. Both of us were all smiles and completely "sold" if you will, on the idea of welcoming them into our family. After we got home and when Bobby had already went to bed, I stayed up a little while longer and decided to pray over the situation since these children were a big leap from where we started and honestly from what we thought God was calling us to do in the beginning. I just basically told the Lord that I wanted to seek his heart in this and to cast our cares/thoughts etc by the wayside b/c in the end this is the journey God has set for us, not the other way around. So to make a long story short, after I went to bed and God woke me up at about 4am this morning from a dream where he more or less said NO to the 2nd set of kiddos we'd inquired about and reminded me of the word he gave me about our children back in September of last year which was very specific and unmistakable. But at this point we'd already invested our hearts into pursuing these beautiful children and had discussed how we could make things work so I felt a little hurt yet understood that God has our best interest at heart and knows what he's doing. After that happened, I laid awake for over an hour concerned as to how I was going to tell my husband, who's just as excited as I was about them that it wasn't going to be. I had to figure out away to let him know that the decision had been made and we could not in good conscience proceed with them and also have God's blessing on our family at the same time. Once Bobby woke I told him the news and reasonably so he was as disheartened as I was and I will be honest, I shed some tears periodically today as well. Truthfully, since this morning, we've been in contact leaning on each other for guidance and support throug out the day b/c this is the most difficult thing we've had to endure so far emotionally. Looking back I now realize that going into the match event, we never once considered guarding our hearts against whatever may come our way to tug on our heartstrings and that left us a wide open target for this to happen. We just went in openly and let things work on our emotions when we should have been a little more reserved. One thing we both have to keep in mind at this point is that God has created children specifically for us and though there are a ton of other children who are just as awesome, who would also fit in our family, God's work is perfect and flawless and nothing that Bobby or I could set our hands to would ever compare to what he is preparing for us. So at this point, we will not pursue those specific children, but instead, we are choosing to guard ourselves, and chase after God's heart b/c when we find it, there our children will be. In the end I look at it this way, if he can tell us no in the most obvious and unmistakable way, he can also tell us YES when the time comes.
Please continue to pray for our journey, there is nothing easy about any of this and we need all of the spiritual and emotional support we can get.
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