Blood, Sweat, and Tears.

As I'm looking back to November when we first started this journey, I never truly realized how much of an emotional roller coaster this was going to be.  Now that's not to be taken out of context because I don't regret it for one second. I wouldn't change anything about all of the LITERAL blood, sweat, and tears we've put in for this purpose, however, sometimes it gets incredibly difficult to sit and look at all of it as a whole.  Just to give you an inkling of what I'm talking about, after all of the things we've been through over the last 4 months, we are currently on the cusp of getting to Step 4 of Gladney's 12 Step process. Yep, you heard right right...I said we are at the CUSP of Step F O U R meaning we are just now wrapping up Step 3!   Only 9 more steps to go until we are deemed by the courts to be the parents of  Boy Child [Insert Name Here].  See what I mean?! That's a lot to take in!! Meanwhile as we're closing the chapter on Step 3, I can't help but get butterflies in my stomach when I consider the gravity of Step 4.  It's almost here and I just can't fathom it! Seriously all this week I have been waking up sometimes 2-3 hours too early thinking about all of the things we need to get done to move forward and it's literally killing me to have to be so patient these last few weeks until we make it there.
 
So what is Step 4?  It's our Home Study; where Bobby and I will meet with a Gladney caseworker and discuss personal matters about our lives etc. and that in its self takes place over 2 meetings in a 6-7 hour time frame.  What's the significance of Step 4?  After we've completed the Home Study, Gladney will then take 6-12 more weeks to look over our entire file, complete with financial, medical, personal, and emotional records of Bobby and I and that's when they will determine whether we are going to move on to Step 5.  Now Step 5 is the kicker too because it's where they will either Approve or Disapprove us based on everything they see.  So to put it into perspective, everything we've done so far, EVERYTHING, is still pending approval. @_@  Now can you see why I'm losing sleep?! We are literally shaking in our boots! I just can't imagine going through all of this, with all of the hard work and invested emotions, and think that there is a 50/50 chance it could all end soon. Not that we couldn't handle it if for some reason we didn't make it because I know, though it would be very tough and heartbreaking, God would get us through it.  But I can't afford to spend my time thinking about the "what if's" because I could totally be consumed by it.  I just have to keep my eyes on what God promised me last September when I audibly heard His voice telling me I was going to have children very soon and that was well before we heard anything at all about the adoption program being started at my brothers church which in turn lead us to consider adopting.  (Don't laugh, I'm dead serious.) Believe me when I say this, God is faithful and every time I've heard His voice in my life, which is countless in number, He has followed through.  For those out there who knows Bobby, you have to understand that it was a miracle in its self that his heart would be open to adoption in the first place because we've casually discussed it in the past and he was always 100% against it.  Yet after God told me that, this time around, his heart was completely open! So I don't doubt for one second that this is going to work out for us one way or another.

All in all, no matter what, we have to stay focused, stick together, and support each other because as we get further and further through this process, I can't imagine it getting any easier.  And just so you know, most likely, neither of us will get any real rest until our son is home. Keep us in your thoughts and prayers!

Hannah