Uphill battle

I was just sitting here wondering just how much my kids believe we're really coming back for them since our first visit last weekend. Don't get me wrong I'm not so naive to think that they will instantly trust us when they've had numerous placements and many adults move in and out of their lives who've let them down. Just today I called and talked to my oldest and had to remind him that we were coming up for another visit and it was like he heard it for the first time though we've spoken about it with him on three separate occasions already. It was almost like he was surprised that we really were still coming. As a matter of fact, with our boys, promises in general tend to go in one ear and out the other making it feel like we're fighting an uphill battle having to make up for all of the disappointment they've faced in their short little lives. But it's not like we're not up for the challenge...

As an adoptive parent you're made to go through classes meant to somewhat prepare you for your child's homecoming. These classes speak in depth about maladjusted children with a whole slew of attachment, bonding, and trust issues (among other behaviors; some very horrific in nature) but secretly you think to yourself, "not my child."  I only know this because I WAS one of those people.  I thought, "I have good judgment character so I'm just going to pick out a cute child that will fit our family with the least amount of issues and everything will be just perfect..."  LOL..NOT!!  One thing the classes don't prepare you for is God's will for your life and the fact that His will just may include you parenting a child with all of those issues and more. I've learned that the adoption journey is less about me and more about redemption and the glory of God. You see, God didn't need ME to do HIS job and that was a tough pill to swallow once it sunk in.  It was only after much anxiety and sleepless nights while we were approved and waiting running into walls before I accepted the fact that I was called to walk this journey not called to be in charge of it.

Without going into too much detail about our boys background just know that our children have been through more tragedy and heartache in their short lives than most adults have in a lifetime and it's more than I ever thought Bob and I were capable of dealing with. Naturally we limited ourselves to what we thought we could handle but God saw capabilities in us that we had no idea even existed. While we were sitting there hoping and waiting for the "perfect" children with little needs He had already set aside for us two miracles that were diamonds in the rough; beauties born out of insurmountable ashes far from what we had envisioned.  It wasn't until later when we realized that God, using his grace as the divine orchestrator, fine tuned our lives to harmonize perfectly with our boys very special needs much before we even started the adoption journey. I'm not sure how the song will play out but I know it will be one of furious love, redemption and grace.

On this road laid before us there are barriers Bob and I have to break through and plenty of opportunities to make up for where our boys have been let down. Yes, there will surely be more days like today when it feels like we're fighting an uphill battle. But with each trial there is a security in knowing that the same God who called us according to His purpose is the one that will equip us and give us enough grace to get through it as we keep our eyes on Him. I look at my boys sweet faces and sit here amazed at the wonders of God, how He would see us fit and choose us to parent the two most amazing little human beings I've ever met. So if it take us having to prove ourselves a thousand times a day, then so be it.


Hannah