Blood, Sweat, and Tears.

As I'm looking back to November when we first started this journey, I never truly realized how much of an emotional roller coaster this was going to be.  Now that's not to be taken out of context because I don't regret it for one second. I wouldn't change anything about all of the LITERAL blood, sweat, and tears we've put in for this purpose, however, sometimes it gets incredibly difficult to sit and look at all of it as a whole.  Just to give you an inkling of what I'm talking about, after all of the things we've been through over the last 4 months, we are currently on the cusp of getting to Step 4 of Gladney's 12 Step process. Yep, you heard right right...I said we are at the CUSP of Step F O U R meaning we are just now wrapping up Step 3!   Only 9 more steps to go until we are deemed by the courts to be the parents of  Boy Child [Insert Name Here].  See what I mean?! That's a lot to take in!! Meanwhile as we're closing the chapter on Step 3, I can't help but get butterflies in my stomach when I consider the gravity of Step 4.  It's almost here and I just can't fathom it! Seriously all this week I have been waking up sometimes 2-3 hours too early thinking about all of the things we need to get done to move forward and it's literally killing me to have to be so patient these last few weeks until we make it there.
 
So what is Step 4?  It's our Home Study; where Bobby and I will meet with a Gladney caseworker and discuss personal matters about our lives etc. and that in its self takes place over 2 meetings in a 6-7 hour time frame.  What's the significance of Step 4?  After we've completed the Home Study, Gladney will then take 6-12 more weeks to look over our entire file, complete with financial, medical, personal, and emotional records of Bobby and I and that's when they will determine whether we are going to move on to Step 5.  Now Step 5 is the kicker too because it's where they will either Approve or Disapprove us based on everything they see.  So to put it into perspective, everything we've done so far, EVERYTHING, is still pending approval. @_@  Now can you see why I'm losing sleep?! We are literally shaking in our boots! I just can't imagine going through all of this, with all of the hard work and invested emotions, and think that there is a 50/50 chance it could all end soon. Not that we couldn't handle it if for some reason we didn't make it because I know, though it would be very tough and heartbreaking, God would get us through it.  But I can't afford to spend my time thinking about the "what if's" because I could totally be consumed by it.  I just have to keep my eyes on what God promised me last September when I audibly heard His voice telling me I was going to have children very soon and that was well before we heard anything at all about the adoption program being started at my brothers church which in turn lead us to consider adopting.  (Don't laugh, I'm dead serious.) Believe me when I say this, God is faithful and every time I've heard His voice in my life, which is countless in number, He has followed through.  For those out there who knows Bobby, you have to understand that it was a miracle in its self that his heart would be open to adoption in the first place because we've casually discussed it in the past and he was always 100% against it.  Yet after God told me that, this time around, his heart was completely open! So I don't doubt for one second that this is going to work out for us one way or another.

All in all, no matter what, we have to stay focused, stick together, and support each other because as we get further and further through this process, I can't imagine it getting any easier.  And just so you know, most likely, neither of us will get any real rest until our son is home. Keep us in your thoughts and prayers!

Hannah

The Month of Do

It's been about a month and a half since my last post but so much has gone on since then I felt like I needed to keep my mouth shut and focus on dealing with the goings on of the moment and moving to the next step in the process.  Most of all, I literally didn't have time to put too much thought to everything let alone blog about it.  Ha!  But hey, I'm getting back on track.

Well for starters, February turned out to be the "Month of Do," because that's when the fire under our tail end seemed to be the hottest and everything we did was motivated by bringing our kiddo home the soonest.  Bobby took an entire weeks vacation at the beginning of February so that he could get his physical and FBI fingerprinting done. That may not seem like a big deal, but Bobby had been dreading facing what the doctor might say for a long time and this was his time to face the music!  Just to give you a little insight, for a little while now Bob has had some weird symptoms and we always joked about him having diabetes or something (yes we sort of have a sick sense of humor...lol) but he never really had the courage to go to the doc and get tested. When we decided to go through with the adoption journey and we found out that both of us would have to get a physical/doc would have to sign off on a document proclaiming he was a healthy individual, he immediately got nervous.  Well when it came time to get his blood test results, lo and behold, the doc diagnosed him with Type 2 Diabetes and that's when it all began.  The good thing about what his doc said was that he hadn't had it for very long and that if he got his weight/eating habits under control, he most likely be able to get rid of it.  She also made it very clear that she would not fill out the adoption form until all his levels were within a normal range and from that point on, I got to witness just how determined he was and any question I had within me about his willingness to become a father was completely eliminated.

The first week after his diagnosis was really hard for him as he was emotional and on edge and it was really difficult to cope with this new lifestyle he was plunged into etc but he pressed forward anyway.  On top of that, his medicine has some horrible side effects that he had to acclimate to but he made it through just fine. I hated that he had to go through all that but all I could do was support him as best I could and be there when he needed to talk about his frustrations.  Since then, Bobby and I did a little bit of research and found out the things he can/shouldn't eat and he has stuck to it like a trooper.  What was amazing was by the time he went back for a follow up visit, which was less than two weeks later, he had already lost 15lbs and his blood sugar was actually UNDER the goal she had for him!  PRAISE GOD!  Haha!  Boy I never saw him so happy as that day when he came home to tell me those results and that she had filled out the paperwork and faxed it to Gladney!  His doc actually put on his form, "Lost 15lbs in two weeks, I've never seen someone so motivated to get healthier for this process and he will make a great father!" I am so thankful to have such a good husband/future father of my children.  Though one of us was given a healthy report and the other was diagnosed, when we look back on all of it, Bobby and I are thankful that everything is finally out in the open and it is being taken care of.  Both of us have said that if everything falls through with the adoption (God forbid of course), at least it helped him to get real with himself. All in all, February brought a lot of different emotions; sadness, disappointment, frustration, anxiety, but above that, it brought more joy, happiness and relief. What a blessing!

So as of right now, we have completed everything we needed except for the fire/environmental inspections and also sending pics of our house/property.  The only thing standing in the way of us doing those things is a few renovations we have to make on the house. Our nephew/roommate Austen is moving out on the 15th of this month and that's when we will start "nesting."  (Weird to put it that way but it's the truth!) We are putting new carpet in our home and renovating the bedroom to make it fit for our son.  After that, we will schedule our Home Study and will be considered WAITING PARENTS!!  Omg, so close I can feel it!!! It makes my stomach so nervous just thinking about it.  By this time next year we should have a little someone hanging on our legs and turning our lives upside down.  Hahaha!  I CAN'T WAIT!!  Please keep us in your prayers, we will need all the prayers we can get to make it through the next couple of months.

Love always;

Hannah

Adoption Photobook

Just so everyone knows, we have to create a photo book and more or less use it to "sell" ourselves to the CPS caseworkers AND our potential son when they match us. It really helps because sometimes there can be some competition among different families for the same child (which is totally awesome) and in that case, the child/caseworkers/advocates etc will choose a family based on their personal presentation.

In saying that, usually the first choice to accomplish this is to create a Snapfish photo book and send it off but that can take a long time to receive back in order to send off to other caseworkers, not to mention pretty costly since you'd probably need to have several to successfully do it that way. However some choose to do digital books which is basically what I wanted to do. So here is our personal Photo Book Video that I'm currently working on myself.  I think I'm close to being done with it but tell me what you guys think and if you find any grammatical errors etc.  Of course I will be printing out a hard copy for our son to look at before he meets us, so the video is only for the caseworkers to view.

 Check 'er out!!

Pretty interesting stuff...

Omg only 2 chapters left until we're done reading the 1st book and I'm starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel!! Due to the holidays not allowing us to read much, we finally resorted to downloading it to my phone so we could hook it up to a speaker and have it read aloud to us. With each chapter as long as they have been so far, there's no way we would have been able to finish it before our PAT classes on Thursday without doing that. Here's an interesting excerpt from Ch. 10. Enjoy!

Hannah

Adoption Stories; Don't forget your tissue...

So many stories, so many happy tears. We know exactly how these people feel. It's nice to know that there are others out there like Bob and I.

Texas Adoption Resource Exchange (TARE)

Coming along!

We are swimming in paperwork!  Not to mention, this is only the beginning and there's still PLENTY more to come. Ha! I have about 80% of it done and we are just waiting until after the 1st of the year to get started on the actual tasks we have to do to further move through the process.  (I just realized how much I hate using the word "process;" it does no justice to describe what we're actually going through) Either way it's going to be so cool when we finally get past all of the legal hoopla and get started on finding our boy and preparing a place for him to come home to.  What completely blows my mind about the concept of getting ready for him is the fact that before we started officially working with Gladney, when Bobby and I would talk about it we would make a point to only say things like, "could adopt," "if it's possible," "if we have a son," because we were so afraid of getting our hopes up and then being let down for whatever reason.  I guess everything changed the day that Gladney accepted us into the program because that is when we both realized that we needed to start referring to him as "our son" and only speak of him and the whole adoption process (there goes that word again ::eyeroll::) as if it's already complete. Bottom line, Bobby and I both feel that speaking positive words over a situation can make a difference and with that, we now choose to speak of him as if he's not only just a hope in our heart but that he has always been there and is coming home. 

Since then it's been amazing to see how far we've come in our thinking about being parents and having him here. It's also been really fun to dream about what it will be like all the way around. We seriously can't wait to find him so we can pick out the colors, paint his room, and buy things to go in it; furniture, toys, clothes, all the fun stuff!  Don't get me wrong, we  both realize that becoming a parent  is no cakewalk, even more so for becoming parents of an "emotionally" challenged child.  Hardships at any rate are par for the course for what we're doing.  In actuality, all of this is apart of a learning process that has many stages of which we are only at the beginning.(Did I seriously use that word again?!)  We just really want everyone to trust that not only are we taking all the necessary steps to prepare ourselves mentally and emotionally, but that God has been and is still preparing us for that day when it is all said and done.

All in all, every bit of the hard work and effort we've had to put in so far really pales in comparison to the excitement Bobby and I feel in our hearts when we think/talk about our son. Though the road will be mighty bumpy, we are up for the challenge because he is worth it.

At my feet

There aren't too many words that I can use to describe just how I'm feeling today. It's almost like suddenly everything, all of the emotion and weight of this course, decided to fall on me and I broke for a little while this afternoon. Not that I haven't realized what we're going to be up against when he gets here but that OUR SON, the child that God set us aside for, is hurting. My son is probably still going through abuse right now, even in foster care. Now I know that some of you are probably thinking that I should think more positively about all of this because it is a happy time, and it is, but beyond all that and statistically, some of the worse abuse happens to children after they've been removed from the home and while they're in the foster care system. Some of them are bounced around from place to place, have as much as 20-30 different homes and are even separated from their siblings before they are placed permanently. It's not enough that they are removed out of difficult situations, but that they are supposed to be safe now and are often not safe at all. Just thinking about this is completely overwhelming.

 

The only other way I can make it any clearer is that I feel like the gravity of what my son is going through or what he's had to endure was laid at my feet today and I just felt a deep need to cover and protect him. I don't even know what his name is or even have the slightest idea what he looks like at all but I already love him so much and want nothing more than to pick up the pieces and put it all back together. For what we are about to endure, it's almost not enough to just want to be a parent, it's more like a calling or fulfilling a purpose. I feel like this road that God chose for us to go down requires for us to hold a special burden in our hearts--to be the hero in a hopeless situation, and we want nothing more than to do that. I can't expect everyone to empathize with us or share our same feelings on the matter but it's nice to know that we have so many who are on our side and are routing for us.

 

For those of you who pray out there, please keep not only Bobby and I, but especially our son in your prayers. Pray for God to protect him while we are apart so that no more harm will come his way.

 

Thanks in advance.