At my feet

There aren't too many words that I can use to describe just how I'm feeling today. It's almost like suddenly everything, all of the emotion and weight of this course, decided to fall on me and I broke for a little while this afternoon. Not that I haven't realized what we're going to be up against when he gets here but that OUR SON, the child that God set us aside for, is hurting. My son is probably still going through abuse right now, even in foster care. Now I know that some of you are probably thinking that I should think more positively about all of this because it is a happy time, and it is, but beyond all that and statistically, some of the worse abuse happens to children after they've been removed from the home and while they're in the foster care system. Some of them are bounced around from place to place, have as much as 20-30 different homes and are even separated from their siblings before they are placed permanently. It's not enough that they are removed out of difficult situations, but that they are supposed to be safe now and are often not safe at all. Just thinking about this is completely overwhelming.

 

The only other way I can make it any clearer is that I feel like the gravity of what my son is going through or what he's had to endure was laid at my feet today and I just felt a deep need to cover and protect him. I don't even know what his name is or even have the slightest idea what he looks like at all but I already love him so much and want nothing more than to pick up the pieces and put it all back together. For what we are about to endure, it's almost not enough to just want to be a parent, it's more like a calling or fulfilling a purpose. I feel like this road that God chose for us to go down requires for us to hold a special burden in our hearts--to be the hero in a hopeless situation, and we want nothing more than to do that. I can't expect everyone to empathize with us or share our same feelings on the matter but it's nice to know that we have so many who are on our side and are routing for us.

 

For those of you who pray out there, please keep not only Bobby and I, but especially our son in your prayers. Pray for God to protect him while we are apart so that no more harm will come his way.

 

Thanks in advance.