Making the grade

Well I checked Noah's first set of grades for the beginning of the year. I was not happy about what he was coming up with in math and writing and the fact that he chose not to bring home his first progress report a while back because he was failing miserably at that time and knew we would not be happy. I considered grounding him for that and also holding him to getting it together in both of those classes to get ungrounded, but then I looked at the bigger picture and decided to change directions. In the grand scheme of things, he was doing pretty dang good in all his other classes. He even had two attached comments in his digital record by teachers saying, "he's a joy to have in class," and is "an overall good student." So instead, I sat him down and we had a long serious conversation about personal responsibility, and juggling athletics and his grades in order to play. We also discussed asking for help, turning in work completed and on time, and choosing not to horse around in class. I used some strong words to get my point across, so that he knew I was serious. Naturally, he wasn't very pleased and tried to give excuses, but he ultimately knew deep down that he had some work to do and was listening. So once I was done giving my lecture, I made a point to end the conversation with reading off all of the comments from his teachers and how I thought his other grades were awesome. I also mentioned that aside from our relationship struggles, I was so proud of how he was conducting himself at school, over all, and how far he has come despite his history. Would you believe that he smiled and started crying happy tears?! Yes! He was overjoyed to hear that and it did something to his spirit to know that we noticed his progress. It also touched me to see that he cared so much, especially when he tries so hard to act tough and unaffected by literally everything. Yeah I'm hard on my kids, I am the first to admit it. In the same regard, I have very hard kids who don't usually respond until it gets serious. I'm a loud person, which tends to trigger them, I'm personally not very cuddly either, and have to work at being approachable. But regardless, I love them with that same intensity and want only the best for them. They know the second they've messed up, yet I spare nothing in showing them how pleased I am when they get it right. Noah has every reason in the world to stay pissed and refuse to do well in life as he has gone through unimaginable grief and trauma. Yet, he is choosing to rise above it, is doing well, and that's all I really want. Is there room for improvement? Sure there is! Not only on his part, but mine, too, as his mom. I can't rightfully ask him to improve, if I'm not willing to lead by example; even if that means changing tactics when the situation allows for it. Even though I knew that grounding him works and would have propelled him to do better, I wanted to dial into his strengths and let him know that at the very core, we are proud of him and notice his efforts. He's still very aware that he is on notice and has work to do, but at least he left the conversation upbeat and with a positive outlook instead of irritated, like usual. He even told me his game plan for Monday; how he's going to talk to both of his teachers to see if there's anything he can do to improve both grades before they turn them all in on Tuesday, eating lunch with them, and staying over/skipping the game Monday to work on his grades. We shall see if he actually follows through, but nevertheless, I am encouraged by how it went, because it could have been much worse. Just goes to show you how improving your tone as a parent really can effect the outcome with your kiddos. I'm sure this won't work every time going forward, but I'll take what I can get.