Jesus the healer

So "Broah" (new nickname) 😂 has his first Cross Country track meet today, and his first football scrimmage tomorrow. Yay!! Exciting times! It's sad to admit, but I have to be honest, there was a period when I could not foresee this being in his future. It actually took us three years before we could even trust him enough to play a sport, at all, which was baseball this summer, and we had some challenges then, though not unbearable (definitely not his sport.) Yet here he is, discharged from special education and in regular classes, with regular kids, playing regular sports, and I could not be more proud to say that. I could care less if he places first or places at all, I'm just so thankful he has the ability to participate!

Right before Noah was placed with us, God audibly spoke to me one day, telling me the great things he had in mind for him. I wondered why He would speak to me about just him and not Asher, but passed that off as insignificant since I was so excited that God spoke to me about my son in the first place! I could not wait to watch His handiwork unfold. Then he was placed and I quickly realized why He felt the need to give me that "pep talk," so to speak. The sheer brokenness I saw before me rocked my faith like it has never been rocked before. "God, how could you tell me those things when you have given me a child who is this messed up? Lord, he's severely mentally ill and has to be heavily medicated to do anything! He'll probably never live on his own, and you have great things in mind for HIM?! I can barely keep him from hurting himself, let alone others. Are you sure? I cannot see what you see. Surely he is beyond repair." Prior to this, I had never been one to question the Lord, but this situation made me realize that in my life, so far, I had never really known Jesus that way and He was using this situation to reveal that part of Himself to me. Jesus the healer. Sure, I had read about healing in the Bible and witnessed some minor healing from sickness and pain in myself and others, but never to this magnitude, surely God was mistaken. But my my my, it was I who was mistaken and I am blessed today to have been so wrong!! The miracles that I've seen God do in the last three years with my child who was literally in pieces, who is now being put back together piece by aching piece by the creator of the universe! Yes, one can attribute some of that to him being placed in a family, with stability for once in his life, but that's honestly giving us too much credit. We were and are still not experts by any means. Bob and I were first time parents, never having parented any child before, let alone one with mental and emotional problems with severe destructive behavior AND his little brother who had his own needs. Yes we took the classes, but we were, in the literal sense, NOT prepared for the task we were given. And we have made so many mistakes along the way. But God. BUT GOD! If it weren't for Him we would have already thrown in the towel. If it weren't for his promises and hanging on to every little bit of faith we had left, there would be no way we could do this. All along the way God has reminded us that he is still working, even through the worst times, HE IS STILL WORKING. Putting people in our path to encourage and uplift us; strangers at mental hospitals (of all places), support groups, churches, you name it. God speaking again, telling me "we're halfway there," and another time to see him as "Faith Walking" (His words not mine); which meant rejecting what I saw as the truth of who Noah is, and intentionally seeing and treating him as if he is already restored (still a work in progress at times.) Revealing to us that he has not only prepared us in advance, but actually CREATED us for this; wasting nothing, using even our own adversities in life, just as he is doing for Noah. Here he is, using our lives and experiences as an example of his living word in Romans 8:28 when it says, "All things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." And I stand in amazement of it all.

No we were not prepared; not prepared to see the greatness of God, to meet the healing power of Jesus whose arms know no depths, whose blood cleanses even the most vile wretch, all because of His boundless love and grace for us. I'm struggling to even find the words as my words fall short and are not fit to describe the magnitude and astonishment of the Lord! I am blessed to be speechless at his miraculous works and pray that they continue to completion.


Hannah