24/7

Mothering the broken never stops. 

Sometimes all you want is a quiet, uninterrupted meal. Hello drama, my old friend. 

Sometimes the nap you need is interrupted by stomping and clapping because they will not be ignored. Or damn the fact that dad says, "Be quiet and let her sleep..." now they have to see how much noise they can cause to stir the pot.

Sometimes all you need is a little assistant to help with fixing things. "Here, hold these screws and don't drop them..." turns into a game of lost and found, on purpose.

"Have a good day at school" turns into, "Mom, you'll probably get an email..."

Sometimes you want nothing more for them to play nicely without any trouble. But you get a knot on the 

head, discipline, and a tantrum instead.

Homework shouldn't be this hard, but you're mom so 'I'm going to make it harder on you than I do on the teacher'.

The gum smeared on your car was deliberate...

so was the urine...

as was the toy shoved down your shower drain....

so was the lost vacuum wand...

as was the broken picture frame and countless other broken/destroyed/scratched items.

The missing car keys? No, those were lost by you. But someone needed to confess to stealing/throwing them away to watch you frantically search and absorb all the negative attention possible. Negative attention reaps the same rewards as positive attention.

Sometimes you just want to have a nice conversation with your kid without studying their every word, thought, and intent. 

I forget what it's like to go to the bathroom without worrying about what they're doing as soon as I  leave the room. 

It would be nice to leave my purse on the kitchen table without a second thought. 

Sometimes you need them to shower like a normal human being, without a timer, without a countdown, actually cleaning themselves...

A visit to an arcade shouldn't have to involve prying your child from behind and underneath every machine in search of more coins/money.  

Birthday parties shouldn't hurt this much!  Neither should Christmas, or Thanksgiving, or Easter for that matter. You can forget about Mothers/Fathers day all together.

Summertime?  They just had to say 'goodbye' to more people they've grown to love and cherish on a daily basis at school.  Yeah, summertime equals out to more grief and loss.

Guilt looks like shit on a kid who's been adopted but has siblings still in care. 'Why did I get adopted and not them?  I'm nothing special...'

Guilt looks like shit on a kid who's never been given anything, because toys are now huge reminders of why they 'suck and don't deserve to be given nice things'.  Might as well destroy them too. 

'Oh I have a new Mom? Yeah, I had that nine other times before her.' Adopted? Forever you say?  PROVE IT.  No, better yet, I'm going to MAKE you prove it. 

Sometimes all you need is for them to open up and spill out the hurt. LAY IT ON ME! CRY! I'M A MOM! I CAN HANDLE IT! But sometimes anger and rage is the only avenue they know to use to communicate their hurts. Their anger? Ha! It's the epitome of UGLY.

Sometimes all you want is to have one day that's yours. One day to feel appreciated.  To feel loved. To feel special.  But no day is off limits, especially if it belongs to 'mom'.

Mothering the broken never rests. You carry their burdens 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. There are no weekends, vacations, or holidays, no sick time, no paid time off, and certainly no breaks, but the rewards, the rewards are endless. Every night my children sleep safe in the same bed, every homework assignment I help them with, every discipline they get dealt by me, every doctor visit I take them to, every teachers conference I attend, every time they cry to me, every day I listen to their disappointments, every day I listen to their dreams, every second I study them, every day I choose to be their forever mom, is another day closer to being healed and another dying statistic.

Birthday Party

So my kid got invited to his first classmate birthday party ever! Hooray! I know this doesn't seem like much to brag about off hand, but when your kid came from foster care and hasn't spent more than a year in one placement, let alone in one school, this is kind of a big deal. This was also new to me as well so I went with an open mind, excited to see what was in store. Here's what we learned while attending a party for a kid and a bunch of other people I don't know:

Jump/bounce places smell like feet and butt sweat but the kids relish in it.

The majority of the kids run around like a bunch of wild animals, screaming their heads off.

My kid was pretty tame compared to some of the others.

Most of the parents line the walls and stare awkwardly, avoiding interaction and eye contact, sort of like a bunch of 13yo's at an 8th grade dance. I conversed with one mom the entire time and getting her to speak seemed a bit forced.

One mom said, "let me guess which kid is yours..." and proceeded to point at one of the only two Mexican children in the room. Luckily we indeed adopted a Hispanic child, otherwise that would have been awkward. (Sí, señora, que es mi hijo.)

Some kids are super whiny and their parents baby them to the max everytime they whine, thus producing more whining/crazy hysterics over absolutely nothing.

Some 4yr olds can get out of hand with glow in the dark necklaces, using them as a whip to strike at other kids. I laughed hysterically at one, because I could tell that she was just playing around and not meaning any harm.

Another kids mom got pretty angry at the said child, saying, "Who's brat is that??" "That hurts, and if it hits my child with that necklace, I'm going to be PISSED!" (Take it easy mommy dearest)

That same mom barreled over to the poor clueless 4yo, grabbing at her hands as she reared back to strike again, got in her face saying lord knows what, and made the child hide in fear.

I intervened and turned her whip back into a necklace and told her how much prettier she was with it on her neck instead of using it as a weapon. She smiled and said, "thank you" and walked away. Problem solved.

Some parents bring their kids to join in the fun but quietly leave right before gifts we're given. (Mmm hmmm, we noticed)

Goody bags consist of a bunch of worthless junk toys and cheap candy that end up in the garbage, but kids go crazy for them anyway and freak if they misplace them. (What's with that??)

Hooray pizza, cupcakes, and soda!! (Kind of)

Sounds like boatloads of fun right? Actually it wasn't so bad. This being another first for him, I was pretty surprised that he did as well as he did. I was expecting him to go crazier, be harder to reel in, and less manageable because generally speaking, Asher doesn't have a history of faring well in that type of atmosphere. But the most important things I learned today was that my child is beginning to adjust and behave like other kids, make friends, play well with others, and have some security in knowing that he can look forward to more celebrations like this because he's finally home for good. It's been just over a year that he and his brother came to be with us, and though we still have a lot of struggles, he's come so far and I'm one proud mama.