Some of y'all know about the struggles we have had with our oldest son Noah, but to briefly fill you in, he was hospitalized four times last year due to extremely destructive and violent tantrums/behavior; the last time being at the end of December when he got physically violent with me and was almost arrested.
With that being said, when he got out in January, my husband and I made a few small changes in how we dealt with him and his behavior, mostly just taking the bulk of the disciplinary responsibilities off of me and giving more to Bob. This has really helped for Noah to see that Bob and I are a united front and that he must show me the same respect that he shows his dad, which was not happening at all before. In addition to that, we let him know after this specific incident that our intentions were to admit him to the state hospital in Wichita Falls for thirty days if he kept escalating, and if that didn't work, we would seek to place him in a residential treatment facility when the time came. From there, if he still didn't improve, we would have him placed in an outpatient respite program where he would live, attend school, and receive therapy five days a week and come home only on the weekends. We made sure to explain that being admitted to any of those places didn't change the fact that he was still our son, and going there was 100% dependent on his actions going forward. We made it clear that it wasn't something we were going to do TO him, but that he was making the choice to go if he kept escalating. We've known for a long time that his choices have been his biggest issue. My son does have emotional struggles from past trauma, but he is not mentally ill and has full control over the choice to escalate at any point. We've seen him numerous times control his temper when it suits him better, as well as choose to escalate in the same manner. For those of you who think our tentative plans seem harsh, you have to understand that making decisions like this is not at all what we desire to do, and it really hurts to carry the burden of that possibility, but he had become a danger to himself and the rest of us. We have had ongoing behavioral problems from him weekly but the kicker has always been the enormous blow ups he has, like clockwork, every other month since he got here in mid 2014.
After he got home, because he had gotten physically violent with me, he was grounded solely to reading books with no end until we saw a significant changes in his behavior. Coming off of being grounded was to be a process in which he would earn only one thing/activity back at a time to keep him on the right track as time goes on. It was at the end of the last school year that we started grounding the boys to books because we saw that nothing else but boredom compelled them to want to do better, and trust me, we tried so many other tactics before resolving to that one. Plus, Noah was behind in reading so I was hoping that as much time as he spent being grounded, in the very least, he might become a better reader. I figured if that happened, it would be somewhat of a consolation prize if grounding him didn't help either. Haha! So here's where the praise report comes in, which is actually a double praise report. At the beginning of fifth grade, Noah was reading at a third grade level, however, at his ARD meeting this past Thursday, I was informed that he is now reading at his current grade level!! Woot woot!! I told his teachers about my "groundation plan" and they all laughed and one even said, "Well it sure worked out for him!" He even passed the reading portion of the STAAR test and greatly exceeded his previous scores. Also, there is a reading program at school where they can earn a coupon for a free Braums ice-cream cone for every six chapter books they read as long as they pass a quiz for each one proving they read it. Guess how many my kiddo has saved up to date? I think we counted eight coupons so far, which is forty-eight books since the beginning of the school year. I think he has read more books than I have read in my entire life. Haha! We are so incredibly proud.
Now I said there was a second part to this praise report so here it is. Since he got home in January from his last hospital stay, we have had zero, let me repeat that, Z-E-R-O, ZIP, NIL, NADA, NOT EVEN ONE single tantrum or blowup. Sure he's had his smart mouth tween moments, like every other kid his age, but that is it. I'll be honest, I've been wanting to but was reluctant to shout this from the rooftops or blog about it lately but didn't in fear of speaking too soon. Yet after what happened today, I have every bit of confidence that we are on a very positive road with him. This afternoon, he and Asher were playing outside and Noah came inside, seemingly in that mode to where we can tell by the look on his face and his body language that he is about to blow, so I separated them and sent Noah to his room and Asher to watch TV in another room. I was really nervous and had somewhat of mild anxiety attack sitting and waiting for the shoe to drop, but when Bob went into his room to check to see if he was going to be able to get past it without having a major meltdown, he simply said, "Dad, I told you a while back that I wasn't going to do that anymore, and I meant it." And that was the end of it. He shaped up, even apologized to Asher for being ugly to him while playing outside and moved on. CAN Y'ALL BELIEVE THAT?? I am ecstatic! April 28th will be exactly four months since he has had a major incident. Not to mention, the relationship between he and I has remarkably improved. It took me about a month to warm back up to him after what happened in January, but since then, seeing him try so hard to be respectful and make better choices has made life a lot easier around here. He's an amazing kid and I can't wait to see what else is in store for him as he is improving. :) Bob and I are not experts at this, far from it actually, but we will never cease at trying to find whatever it is that works. Parenting alone is tough without the trauma, but if Bob and I can do this, not having any personal parenting experience whatsoever in the beginning, anyone else can, too. Here's to rejoicing with each others progress, both small and great, because it all counts with our special children.
PS: And just so you know he has earned some things back, but in
the midst of being grounded, he has grown to really love reading and
now chooses to read a lot of the time, even still. I've also noticed that his new love for
reading has really helped him to center his attention and think about each word, one at a time, which is very calming.
