"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it." ~Isaiah 30:21
"Remember your word to your servant, for you have given me hope." ~Psalm 119:49
Well we got the 1st call about a placement last week but before you question our enthusiasm or the lack there of, you first must understand that adoption is a journey with a very detailed map. There are lots of paths you can travel to get to your destination, but like with any road map you have to choose your route carefully to avoid ending up at a dead end, or worse, somewhere you never intended to go. Now with that being said, we were approached by our caseworker about a certain child who was apart of a failed adoption, meaning the current parents had already finalized and were now saying that they couldn't do it anymore and wanted to give up their rights. Of course, just hearing this story broke our hearts for this child but at the same time, we knew we had to use our heads and also let God lead us to the right decision. I won't lie, our first inclination was to say "no" right away and that caused me some guilt, but the fact is, is this is a child, a human being, not something you can just pass off without a second thought. As a matter of fact, in this life path, considering every detail and all possibilities is the best course of action. In the hours after the call were pretty emotional. Bobby and I argued over the fact that this child was not what we had in mind and he was headstrong on his point of view but I myself felt slightly different about it all though not to the point to where I was swayed by my feelings at all. By the end of our heated discussion that lasted over a few phone calls throughout the day we both agreed that we should call our caseworker and get some more insight. Later on, Bobby and I had a conference call with our worker and shared our concerns about the child and she said they were going to get as much info from the parents/doctors as they could and would report back to us with more clear information as to what the situation was. While we were waiting to hear back from our caseworker I took it upon myself to confide in my mom and another adoption sister through one of our support groups and I just kept on getting the same answer which cemented the feelings that this most likely wasn't our child. As you know, I am a Christian and as I've shared in previous blogs, exactly one year ago in a life changing moment I had with the Lord, He spoke clearly to me and told me that Bobby and I would have two children within a 1-1.5 yrs. Of course I laughed it off at the time and forgot about it but clearly the path was set and we were on our journey to adoption within a couple of months after that even before I had remembered what He said to me. So back to what I was saying, as I'm conversing with my family/adoption family about the details they are reminding me of what God said and here I am having to tell myself once again that God's word has never failed in my life and if He said it was going to be two children, this single child will not be ours. Regardless of what we knew in our hearts, Bobby and I still just didn't feel comfortable with saying "no" so quickly and so we waited. Needless to say, I decided that 4 days was long enough and I sent my caseworker an email requesting an update on the child. Within minutes she got back with me letting us know that the child was indeed not be a good fit for our family and would need to be put with someone who could offer some specialized care. Of course that answer was a huge sigh of relief and it made both of us feel better about that fact that we didn't have to say "no" though in the future we're going to be okay with that. To be truthful, Bobby and I feel a little desperate at times and find it
really hard not to want things to happen for us right now. On one hand, waiting is a really tough thing to endure especially when we feel so ready to have our family completed and it's completely out of our control but on the other hand, in this situation especially, had we made a
quick decision based on that tiny morsel of desperation, we would have ended up in a place much different than the one God intended us to be as a family. So the lesson learned on this part of our journey is to consider all of them, but listen to the voice of the Lord, remember His promises to us, and choose our route carefully.
