So we're less than a week away from getting our approval to begin the matching process and all hell has broken loose on us since we finished our home study in addition to going downhill the closer it gets. I know things could always be worse so I really should be counting my blessings but considering what has happened that is the only way I can describe how I feel right now. Just to give you an idea without going into too much unwarranted detail, we've been hit financially several times, I've been sick twice, my hours at work have been cut back significantly temporarily, Bobby got a kidney stone, I've been having nightmares about the adoption/losing sleep, and tonight our water heater went out flooding our hallway and new carpet. At this point I am no longer surprised when additional things are thrown our way. Bobby and I always say that nothing ever comes easy for us, because it really doesn't and there's a proven history of that. Since day one we've had to work really hard to get where we are in all aspects of our lives together when it seems like others have it so easy so there isn't any reason why this situation should be any different. Granted, adoption, let alone becoming a parent in general, is never easy and I never expected it to be. However, I did at least expect a nice little two month rest and maybe even a vacation in between the time we finished our home study and the matching phase but who am I kidding?! Anyway, I don't want to be a negative Nancy, that's just where I'm at right now.
One thing that's been a great help during this time is our Chosen Ones Support Group and attending the Mom's/Dad's night out. Meeting with like-minded others has given me the chance to share what's been going on in the meantime and that alone has made our recent hardships a little easier to endure. I've never met such compassionate people in my life and I feel blessed to be in their company. I mean really, each one of those ladies are the closest you can get to Super Woman in real life. For every nightmare I could imagine happening to us, they can match it with a true story of redemption and grace through adoption. Some of them have adopted their foster children and some of them have even ministered to the abusive parent and have helped them to change so they can provide a better home for the children they lost. It's just amazing the things they've shared with me and I always walk away feeling refreshed and encouraged about our journey.
The one thing I've learned through all this adversity so far is that no matter what comes our way, Bobby and I are choosing to press forward and we refuse to let the enemy stop us from doing what we feel God has called us to do. I can say one thing for sure, this adoption journey has strengthened our marriage immensely and I honestly feel like I look at him with different eyes than I did before we started. I cannot imagine having children with anyone else in this world and I would not pick anyone else to face adversity with. He's my rock and my everything and it's going to be amazing to see him with our children. Though I am presently having a tough time staying positive through all the mess we've been going through, I refuse to harbor doubt about our choice. We are exactly where we should be and that's all that matters. Going forward, please keep us in your prayers as we move on to completing our family. :)
Hannah
